On vacation rentals, Baby J walking, and the need to forgive

I have spent the last three weeks looking at vacation rentals. Pretty much every nap time, plus an hour or more after Baby J has gone to sleep, I’ve been on rental sites weighing the amenities of hundreds of different rentals. I’m exhausted. But we’ve finally found a place that meets all our needs! So excited…

My mom, who was looking at rentals with me during this time (we’re meeting them for a family vacation), asked what I was going to do with all my time now that we’ve found a place. “Well, I still have two more vacations to plan this year, including one other family vacation (which means taking others’ opinions and needs into account), so….” Her response: ” OMG, I can’t imagine going through all that twice more!”

Yeah.

Regardless, I am determined to take a bit of time to get caught up on the blog. Get Inspiration Tuesday and This or That going again. Get three or four weeks of blog posts ready to go so I don’t get behind again.  And then when that’s done, get some journalling done. I’m so far behind on Baby J’s journal.  And I won’t even mention my “writing progress.”

So what’s been going on over the last month or so? Well, Baby J finally cut his first tooth, the same day he took his first steps! He now walks pretty much full time. I love it! I don’t get why people say, all dire-like, “Just wait until he starts walking,” like it’s going to be this stressful leap of skills. Walking is no more stressful than crawling. Which was a HUGE improvement from just laying there. I hated that part. I love that he’s mobile and can get himself to where he wants to be. Including following me into the bathroom!  I’ll leave the door partially open, and he’ll pull it open and peek around and smile at how cool he is for being able to find me.  What scares me right now is when he learns to climb on things.

We installed a baby seat on my bike, and Baby J loves going on rides.  Most of the time we’re out running errands, but hopefully as the weather gets better and his wake times lengthen, we’ll get out for a few joy rides.

A week or two ago, Stephen came home and was telling me about his day. He was leading a meeting, using his computer hooked to a projector, and his email alert popped up with something non-work related. No big deal, it’s happened to me, it wasn’t anything sensitive.  But it made me sit back and say, “I remember leading meetings.” Seems like it was such a long time ago.

For the first time in a very long time, I’m reading a book that I don’t want to put down. “Just one more chapter!” It’s nice to have that again.  It’s especially surprising because it’s in a genre that I’ve found particularly hard to get into over the last five years or so.  I don’t know what I’ll do when I finish.  😦

I’ve been a bit infatuated with a certain news story lately, one which I will not name here, because I don’t want to get into a whole discussion about it. What I would love a discussion about is the idea and merits of forgiveness. I find forgiveness to be overrated. I’m sorry, but there are certain things that are unforgivable, especially when the offender offers no contrition. A lot of people say you need to forgive in order to move on. I don’t agree. I think you can move on just fine without forgiving someone for something they did. It doesn’t have to stay with you or rule your life. The pain, the hurt, can fade, you can think of it less and less, without forgiving.

What do you think?  Is forgiveness necessary for a happy life, or is it overrated?

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Categories: Random | Tags: , , , | 11 Comments

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11 thoughts on “On vacation rentals, Baby J walking, and the need to forgive

  1. anonymous

    There are two reasons to forgive someone:
    1) For your own benefit.
    2) For their benefit.
    In the latter case you forgive when they’ve deserved it. Don’t trust your own judgement.

    I think the idea of forgiveness for your own benefit is that it is the simplest way to reconcile your desire and ideals for justice or punishment, etc. and the reality you’ve experienced. Forgiveness and mercy can always be exploited and aren’t always justifiable, but I think the reason why they help you get over something is that you’re the one taking charge. You’re effectively breaking out of your victimhood instead of building your life to get over it, which can be difficult or impossible.

    It is also possible that forgiving someone who does not regret starts something within them, a process leading to self-reflection perhaps, that blame and accusations do not. Many people do bad things because they’re already broken inside and need to be healed. Then again, some are not.

    • Do you think that if you don’t forgive, you forever live as a victim (unable to “break out of your victimhood”)?

      • anonymous

        Not necessarily, but I think it can be an emotional hangup – moreso the bigger the crime was. If it is one, it is probably easier to break through it, give it up, simply walk away from it, etc. than work around it. That would be forgiving someone for your own sake.

  2. Tony

    I can give you a biblical answer. If we will not forgive others, how then are we to be forgiven. I know it’s not what you were looking for but it makes sense to me. I’ve done some pretty bad things to people and people have done pretty bad things to me. I’ve realized my wrong and want their forgiveness, I know you specifically talked about people who offer no contrition, but the bible also says do into others as you would have them do into you. Even if they are contrite and unfeeling I would still want to be forgiven if I were in their place. Personally, I’ve noticed that if I am unwilling to forgive, I can’t move on, not really. It gets buried deep but every once in a while it comes out and the feelings are there all over again. Anyway, there’s my two cents.

    • I’ve noticed that if I am unwilling to forgive, I can’t move on, not really. It gets buried deep but every once in a while it comes out and the feelings are there all over again.

      Do you think that even with forgiving someone, those feelings can still resurface and eat at you? Do you then have to forgive them all over again?

      • Tony

        They do, but I remind myself it’s over and done and it goes away.

  3. i have 3 situations/people that i struggle with on forgiveness.

    i don’t owe them forgiveness. i hope for indifference as time passes. but they will never be a part of my life again.

    • anonymous

      Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to pretend something didn’t happen. Forgiveness is only about emotions and blame, not about actions not having consequences.

  4. I think the key for me is the saying “forgive and forget” — If forgetting something happened and the fall out from something happening is the price for forgiveness than I think that it depends on the offense.
    Extreme example: someone rapes/intentionally inflicts physical harm on me or someone I love. No. I will never forgive that person. EVER.
    Second example: someone accidentally physically/emotionally hurts me/someone I love. Yes, I can forgive that.
    Third example: a friend intentionally emotionally hurts me/someone I love. Forgive but also cut ties.
    It’s not so easy I think to decide. I’m not one to hold grudges, I believe that grudges weigh you down. But I’m also not one to be taken advantage of.

    • Your extreme example is what I mean when I say that some things, to me, are unforgivable. Example – that Castro dude that held the three women captive for ten years. This isn’t just a momentary, oops I did something wrong to someone. This is long term, intentional cruelty. To me, this is completely unforgivable. It’s not a lapse in judgement, it’s not an accident, it’s not “reading signals wrong.”

      Now that I think about it, I think *intent* is a big factor in whether an act is forgivable or not. Accidents happen. I get that. Deliberate acts, done with full mental awareness of what you are doing = far less forgivable.

    • anonymous

      In some cases of rape, etc., it can be beneficial for the victim and victim’s loved ones to forgive in order to get past it.

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