…and not necessarily in a good way.
It has been absolutely beautiful here in Western Finland, for the most part, for several weeks now. Temps up to and into the 50s, sunny skies (and some rainy one), windows flung wide open and looking for patio furniture weather. We’ve been getting about 17 hours of daylight – the sun sets somewhere around 10pm, I think, and rises about 5am. Flowers are blooming, trees are fuller, and things closed in the winter are opening back up.
And, in the last few weeks, I haven’t been able to concentrate for shit. My brain has pretty much refused to stay focused on one thing for any length of time. Is there such a thing as Seasonal Attention Deficit Disorder? Perhaps that’s the spring/summer version of Seasonal Affective Disorder.
I should be working on planning our trip to France at the end of the month. But instead, I’m daydreaming about where we should go for Christmas. I should be writing like crazy, finishing one of my manuscripts. Instead, I blink at the screen. I should be blogging, telling you all about the last couple of local trips I’ve taken, how things are going, what’s been happening lately. Instead, I can’t seem to force myself to sit down long enough to form sentences and paragraphs, let alone upload photos. I should be hemming my curtains with my new sewing machine. Instead, I’m looking for charities I can do crafts for.
I feel very…antsy. Restless. Edgy. Full on case of Monkey Mind. Brain won’t function, but won’t turn off, either. How exactly does that work? I have a hundred things on my to-do list, but spend more time trying to decide what’s more important than doing any of them. And then I log onto Pinterest, because it’s the ultimate procrastination tool. It allows me to add even more things onto my to-do list…
As much as I can’t seem to sit still, I’ve also been a bit of a homebody lately. I don’t really want to go out, but at the same time, I desperately want to go out and enjoy the beautiful weather. I think it’s more the human interaction portion of going out that I’m shying away from, for whatever reason. Maybe because I have enough noise in my head right now.
But there’s only so much exploring I can do. I’ve walked through all the areas nearby, and yesterday walked about 4 miles to a new area. I’m now at the point where I’ve seen everything there is to see, on foot. A month ago I was still undecided about getting a bike – now I’m chomping at the bit to have one. It signifies freedom. I feel like a teenager trying to get her drivers license. That little piece of plastic once signified independence – when’s the last time you had that feeling? I guess I should be grateful, then, for the reminder. But until I actually get the bike, I’m still on a leash the length of my walking endurance.
I’m hoping the bike, the ability to explore, to be free, will cure this frantic race through imaginary quicksand. I need less thinking, more doing.
And then, although I spend half an hour on it, I am unable to upload a photo, and I am ready to throw the computer out the window. See – when I finally get around to a blog post, the internet-verse is against me, and tries to tell me I shouldn’t have bothered in the first place….grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr