This is why I don’t do Home Improvement projects

All I wanted to do was install a new ceiling fan.

My hatred for my current ceiling fan/light fixture has grown exponentially over the years.  The light was horrible, too harsh and glaring for regular use, with downward pointing lights.  I hated it, and only used it when absolutely necessary.

So, I decided to suck it up and get a new fan/light.  Also decided to get a new dimmer switch with it, white, as opposed to the ugly beige I currently have, and not quite so dated.

Saturday:  Pick out new fan, buy it plus new control switch.  Home, install fan, plug in LED light, install new control switch, turn power on, and….

Fan works, light doesn’t.

Okay, wiring issue.  Take fan apart to get back to wiring.  Nope, nothing.  Work on wiring again, nothing.

The Beau takes a break, goes to the bathroom, and I mess with the wiring some.  Go turn on the breaker.  Turn the switch on.


“Oh, shit!”

Now, in my head, in the two seconds after saying, “Oh Shit,” I think to myself that I have probably just scared the hell out of the Beau, who probably thinks I have just electrocuted myself but is unable to rush to my aid because he’s currently indisposed with his pants around his ankles.  I really should say something, let him know I’m not dead.  But all I can do is stare at the control, wondering what that popping sound was.


“I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine.”

Run outside, turn off breaker.  Come back in, sit on couch, and wait for him to come investigate.

So, after being properly chastised for f*&%ing with something I shouldn’t have, and a couple more rewiring attempts, we decide the light fixture must be bad.

I run to Lowe’s (trip 2 – just to keep count), try to swap out light with new one.  But…this Lowe’s doesn’t carry the fan I bought at another Lowe’s.


Sunday.  Back to the original Lowe’s (trip 3), swap out light fixture.  Plug it in. Nothing.  Beau determines that yes, the pop I heard when I turn on the switch probably screwed something up.  Put in original switch –

Everything works.

Okay, now I need to return the light switch…that, yes, I probably killed.

Monday.  Lowe’s (trip 4) to exchange switch.  Home, replace, turn on –

It works!

But wait – no, there’s a weird sound.  The new LED light probably doesn’t work with a dimmer switch.  I need to get a non-dimmer switch.  Fine.  Beau needs to go into work, but I’ve now seen him swap the switch 2-3 times, so I’m confident I can do it myself.  I send him on his way with a huge thank you for his help with this project.

Home Depot (trip 5) this time, for a change of scenery.  New switch.

Home.  Take new switch out of box.

It looks nothing like the old new switch.  The old new one had wires attached to it, which then were attached to the wires out of the wall.  The new one doesn’t have wires on it at all.


Home Depot (trip 6).  Return switch.  Look for new one – a non-dimmer single-gang (I think that’s the term) dual control switch with wires on the back.  They don’t seem to carry what I’m looking for.

Lowe’s (trip 7).  Looking for what I need (see trip 6).  Can’t find it.  Check with sales associate.

Yeah, they don’t have what I want.  Seems the wires are only attached to the dimmer switches.

Well, I would have been comfortable changing out what I already knew, but I wasn’t comfortable with this new twist.  So I guess I get to make The Beau help me again next weekend.  I’m sure he’ll be thrilled.

And this is whyI’d like to spend my weekends writing, rather than doing Home Improvement projects.

Categories: Random | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

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